I had a huge fight with my parents tonight over nothing. And the sad thing is, it was totally my fault. Over something completely ridiculous that happened, I lost my cool. Something just set me off. I’m half determined it has to do with all the anxiety of finding a job, graduating, and other small stresses in my life right now. The incident that blew me over the edge wasn’t even that important, but apparently that’s all it took. I felt terrible, even cried a little after it was over, and I like never cry. If anything good could come out of tonight, I’d guess it be that tonight was a wake up call that I need to deal with these issues I’m having and find ways to cope with them, so something as stupid as tonight doesn’t make me go off at my parents like I did. I need to apply to some more jobs, I need to graduate, and I need to well.. get past my fears of rejection while I’m at it. I’m a go getter when it comes to school, but when it comes to personal interests or likes, I question everything and always think negative, never just focusing on the positive. I’m going to get through this, I have to. Nic and Bobby leave on Sunday, and that’s really having an effect on me as well I think. I don’t know what I’m going to do all summer. I don’t like being alone. I know ways to fix that, but I won’t follow through. Josh has me all figured out, I’d wish I’d just listen to him.
Leave for E3 on Tuesday.. Getting preparations ready for that on MK Online is giving me a headache, but it’s coming along. We’re going to have a great time. Missing school isn’t going to be that bad, I’m apparently not going to miss much. When I get back I’ll be about to present Senior Project, so I’m getting in the gear soon.
By the way, I like a girl, and not in any obsessive manner, just kind of like her. I don’t even know her that well, though wish I could get to know her better. Im the only one stopping myself. I don’t know what I’m so afraid of. Rejection is part of it, but I think I’m more worried about what happens if it works in my favor. Even being 21, I’m new at this and quite honestly I’m scared. But, something tells me I need to let go of whatever fear is holding me back, even if it doesn’t work out in the end.*Sigh*, we’ll see what happens. She’s just really interesting, I can’t just explain it really.
I leave you tonight with a picture of myself and Nic. The picture is the last day we will have worked together after a long four years. With him going to Boston with Bobby in the summer, and the hopes that I should be in a much better, salary paying job, we thought we’d make Bobby take the picture. Enjoy, I hate anybody seeing me in that outfit.
